Paranoia problem

i found out my paranoia problem from a song called papercut by linkin park.please look for the lyrics to know more .i feel like a stupid and useless person living in this world.i told my parents about this but they dont believe me.before i have this paranoia problem my life was great ,im able to do things fast ,think fast.when i got this paranoia things went bad, i feel like my life was destroyed.i cant even do a single things ,im thinking slow.do things slow like washing dishes other people takes 10min to wash it but i takes 40mins or maybe 1 hour .it is not that i dont want to do it fast but something has caused me to become slow and useless.i hope someone have this problem too or else i have difficulties to explain the unexplainable things.please forgive my english

My wedding

Hey my name is Chaitra and I am getting married in January next year. I want to know what all I need to do to take care of while planning my wedding?

My wedding

Hey my name is Chaitra and I am getting married in January next year. I want to know what all I need to do to take care of while planning my wedding?

''love'' ''problem'' ? -i think i'm falling out of love..?

 

It's not that big of a problem and it is definitely not love ..but I have a dilemma.
..i am sorry for taking your time.i have to write introduction to the ''problem'' first..
I met this boy at my friends birthday party and we kicked off pretty well. (Others were all drunk so I was hanging with him and it was fun xD) .Day after ,our friends all noticed that we are acting kinda like a couple already..O.o and it was weird for me but at the same time i was ok with it ..maybe i was drunk too?
He asked me out for a walk the second night.We talked and laughed.And at the end of the evening he wanted to kiss me but I got shy and asked him to 'leave that for some other time'..
When I got home i was kind of regretting it,and when i said that to my best friend (the two of them are childhood friends (we met on her birthday)) she got angry and threw pillow at me xD .She said that now is my turn to ask him out..so I did it ,the same cheesy way he asked me the first night (but it was also sweet) xD.
Soo third day,we went out,we talked and laughed.I told him that I haven't had my first kiss yet.And he said that my reaction last time was really cute and that my cheeks were really red! ..and i got shy again -.-' .after a long while, we sat at the bench,and it took me 20 minutes to finally kiss him..we actually talked about it! he explained me how to kiss (hahahaha i am such an idiot..). Then he leaned in slowly..but I moved!! I freakin' moved!!! if he hadn't been nervous till now, i definitely screwed now :S .We talked..and then i leaned to him and we finally kissed. it was sweet but i still don't know what I'm doing xD he even hugged me after.
Aaand we went out the the next day, with two other friends. It wasn't that awkward but neither of us spoke much. He walked me back home and we kissed,but I got shy again.. -.-'
We said our goodbyes because he had to got out of town for few days.. and we talked on Fb and he sent me funny pictures.But I was thinking (he stayed for 5 days) this whole time about everything...My brain in destroyed..i think i'm falling out of love..he is sweet,and very funny..but i don't think i have a crush o him..i don't have a lot of male friends so i stuck to him right away..but i'm not looking forward to kissing him or to go out with him,and to read his messages ..I think he really likes me .whats wrong with me? I don't feel butterflies >.< (or elephants crushing my organs (that is what's going on in my stomach when i fall in love) Am I drama queen? Everything is perfect,right? I just have to make up some drama in my life..is that it? ..my head is a mess -.-'
.He asked me to go out tomorrow,but i still haven't answered. I don't know how to react when see him..
to sum things up. I think i am falling out of love..what should i do? what if..i see him tomorrow and i don't feel elephants crushing my organs? ha? should i tell him that? how? ..i'm going to bury myself alive somewhere.. T_T

To forgive or walk away

for a while now i have been debating if I should stay and fight for my relationship or walk away...
about 8 months ago my girlfriend of almost 2 years cheated on me which devastated me in every way possible and lied to me in many ways, at that point and time we were living together and building a wonderful relationship so i thought...i obviously found out and moved out but then she kept looking for me and trying to get me back while holding on to the "other girl" (mind you guys..the other girl knew she was in a relationship with me ) to make the long story short...it has been a while since this happened and for some reason this wound it is still burning and i just cant get past it...I know that no one is perfect and i am no one to forgive but i just cant get past it...specially because she hurt me really bad it was someone that i gave my 100 percent to. when i was younger my father cheated on my mother various times so when it finally happened to me it touch a familiar wound and brought out some feelings i had buried as a child.
I am now 25 almost done with university,,i am independent I have a good job but i have bigger dreams... my gf is 33 a wonderful person that i see that she is trying to get our relationship together but i don't know anymore if i see myself with her. she has a past in which in every relationship has cheated..I had a feeling it would happened to me but i took the risk...our intimacy is ok...i am a person that requires alot of physical touch to feel loved... and she is not like that, i talk to her over and over that i need physical assurance and affection and she lacks majorly in that department. Maybe she is not letting go of me because she knows i am a good woman with great intentions, and i am not saying she is not going to find someone better (i hope she does) but maybe she is too comfortable with me.
and the situation is i don't know if i should continue this relationship or walk away even though it hurts so much...
My mother about a month ago was diagnosed with breast cancer and i just need to get my head clear of this because i want to be good mentally and emotionally for my mother. i would love to hear everyone's input. Thank you

 

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Please help me!

Hey, I'm only here because I needed today something and there's no one to tell. I'm done with life, I just can't do it anymore, I hate it and I hate the people in it. It's too late to get a salvage a social life, everybody knows I'm the weirdo, tue crazy guy, they all think I worship Satan and people walk up to me like "I heard you cut man" and I have fantasies about shooting everyone, but mostly about shooting myself. No one really loves me. I feel like a burden. Maybe when they hear I killed myself they'll be sad. Probably not. No one likes me. I have practically no friends. I dont really like my family except for my mum most of the time. I hate everything. I have no reason to go on. Damn.

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Low self-confidece, please give me an advice

Alright, this is gonna be a long talk I guess, first of all, sorry for my English, I'm not a native speaker & Thank you for reading this.

I AM CONFUSED, FRUSTRATED AND EMOTIONALLY DRAINED!

I would never tell this to my friend or relatives, it's the internet so I can share it without shame.

I am a person with a low-self esteem, really low, extremely low.
Why ?! - I guess it's because I haven't achieved anything BIG in life, no success, no goals. + Biggest one - overweight.

A bit about me : I'm 19 yo student, on my 2nd year at college. I've always been a smart guy, high grades etc etc... Now I'm in a good university. I'm telling you all this just because you won't be able think of me as a "dumb person" after reading all I'm gonna write. Well, I found Internet Marketing a year ago and since than I've been testing waters, I have a decent knowledge but made only $1000 in the past 12 months, laziness + low self esteem.
I don't even know where to begin.

Last years I had no idea what success was, I was worrying about how to get better PC, video games and stuff like that. After that my dad died and I had to take care of my family, that's where the harsh life begins, I'm not complaining, I got over many things and will in the future, in other words I'm seeking a successful life, right now all I want is to lose fat and make money for living.
First of all, I gotta say (if you've not been obese, you can't get this fully) that being overweight ruins one's whole life, I'm sure the main reason my confidence is equal to zero is being fat. I feel like a failure, it feels horrible when people are looking at you with eyes saying "damn, look at him, he's fat"... after all those things you start thinking that you're a failure, you're starting to have negative core beliefs, everything I do now feels wrong, I'm working - ITS WRONG! I'm talking - ITS WRONG! Relationships - ITS WRONG, even when I move it feels wrong. I would cry this crap out of me if I was a girl :you can laugh here: ... It's a lot of effort to be able to have faith in yourself after this.

You know the main reason of my low self-esteem. It affects everything, from relationships to work, I can't focus. 1 year ago I didn't pay any attention to this but now it bothers me this much. I feel like a COMPLETE failure, I need help.

Another problem (everything combined) : Today, I decided to re-think all things, like business, how I should do it etc etc ... I said to myself, I must think positive (a hundred times) and it turned in something like a behavior, I mean now my another half believes if I don't think positive 24/7 I'm gonna fail at everything. I'm sure it's not clear to you at all. I feel like positive thinking is a must do thing, of course it is but if I think "normally" I feel it's wrong, my mind wants to be motivated and excited all the time, that's not possible.

I wrote down things like :

What am I facing ?! - Low self-esteem
Why ?! - Because I'm fat, have no money ....
Can I solve it ?! - Yes!
How ?! - Be positive, don't do things that lower your self-esteem.

Every time a thought comes to my mind I start to think "is this right? should I do this?".... I wanted to boost my confidence with acting correctly all the time, no mistake, but when I do something I don't like even a bit I think "geez, I'm hopeless". Horrible feeling.

To put it clear, I can't sum up everything and make a decision, not in this situation only, every time, everywhere. It's because of my "excellent" self-esteem, every time I try to do something, I doubt myself and feel like a failure.

I hope you got it.

Biggest decision I want to make : I know that it is true but can't assure my other self. I said I'm seeking success, I know I can achieve it by taking action but my other half can't believe, it feel like I am divided in two parts. First one thinks that I need only action to become successful, another thinks that I need to combine positive thinking & action, unless I'll be a loser.

Someone tell me, I can get joy, happiness and normal self-confidence by achieving my goals ? I mean if I lose weight and make money, it'll definitely boost my confidence, I'm afraid that I'm gonna feel/act like a loser after that too, but I realize it's not true, hell of a mind game.

Tell me : Can actions like losing wight, making money (that will be the most enjoyable things in my life) bring me self-confidence?

THANKS!

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